YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
