U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish I only lived at night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize