your room smells of hookers.
And success
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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