How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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