Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
