I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
