through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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