I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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