Having a random hookup so left but love u
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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