It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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