One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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