Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
