My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
