shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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