Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
