so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
