I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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