he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
