Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
