p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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