Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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