so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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