I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were trust falling into bushes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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