Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need moral support for this bender
Boobs speak an international language.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
