tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
