If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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