only if we run a train.
done.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
