Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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