Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's never too late to be topless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
