fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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