he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I understand Curling. That high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
