she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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