It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
