he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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