it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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