i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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