When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
