Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
