I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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