shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
