Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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