he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
