i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm both gender and math confused
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
