watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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