Don't make out with my wife yet
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
