Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
