so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
