Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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