great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
