If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
