Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
