Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
