it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
