do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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