I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
