i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
