Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
