2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My vagina just clenched in fear
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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