I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you never un-have a 4some
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
