i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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