you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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