Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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