The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
