I wish I could teleport
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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