its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
