ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Non-Jews are for practice
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
