yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
