you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Terrible idea I love it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
