my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
