best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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