You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
