Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
