Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
