just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize