my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
