woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
