So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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