Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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