forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
