ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't deserve a penis
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
