i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
