i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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