you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
