Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize