Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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