what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
