when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I love you.
Bad choice
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
