oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
