How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had to cum in my sink.
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