I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
