can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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