I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
