mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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