They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
