My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
