That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
