So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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