Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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