Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
