Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
