My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
