i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His nipple licking is glorious
I did not marry a roomba.
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