Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
