Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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