I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The air was thick with penises
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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