Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
