Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
