one might say we're banned from that church
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
