Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
