I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
